Says the Dr. The very nervous Dr. The pale DR. dressed all in black that is going to tell us what the MRI has decided. The kind eyed shaky handed Dr. that we have never met before. The DR. who is standing in the doorway looking back and forth to each of us.. totally confused - who gently ask us - with the voice of an angel -
"Which one of you is Kelly?"
Well that blew that prank.
Liza and I got the call to come to the Doctor's office just 48 hours after the fabulous MRI surfing experience. Panic. Quick news is bad news. My chest plate had joined Ethyl in mutual bruising and I was still a one side only Pam Anderson special. It had been a long 30 days since the fateful pool incident. Naturally we were and still are - a bit wound up. Keliza style. Which means to cope with terror - we turn into a gay version of Patsy and Eddie - in our world Penelope and Gretchen.
So we - P and G are sitting in the Dr.s office laughing and joking and posing for pics. I am Penelope. I have a trashy Euro accent. Gretchen is slightly Parisian and totally creepy.
"Ohhhhhmm Penelope - let me look in your ear - on my i can see right thru - no Kansaire in there. "
"Gretchen dahrlink - please put those dirty dirty little things down - and hop up on the table - ohh look gloves - small medium and no chance of a pap smear with those ! Egads - they are huuumungeous!! " SNAP
"Ohhhhhhhmmm Penelope - you are sick - " " i know Gretch Gretchy that 's why we are here."
" Muahhahahhahahah!! laughter as G and P plot to role play Kelly as Liza and Liza as kelly. Why we thought this would be funny was beyond comprehension. But i guess it was Liza's way of saying please let it be me and not you. And my way of having a condo over looking denial.
"Here darling sit up there and look sickly - worse worse yes yes can you tear up a bit? - maybe chew your hand?" OH Yes good idea Penelope - i will sit here looking all concerned and conventional. Pass me those glasses. Oh dear she is blind and has cancer how sad."
Enter the Dr. Exit P and G. Enter reality.
" I am. This is my partner Liza. " I am ashamed of myself as i make an effort to explain what we were plotting and apologize profusely to the Dr. for being essentially an - intensive dork.
We go over the pages and pages of results. It is bad. It is official. I have cancer. Three kinds - three spots - grade three - three options. I continue to try and sooth the Dr. who is still shaken - I ask her how she is - " This must be hard to tell someone you have just met this news." I got a very strange look and a raised eyebrow.
" Why Kelly, are you being so nice to me? What is it you do you do? You are being so brave.."
"Well Dr. You are telling me something i already know. I have had lots of time to prepare. You have not .That and i work with kids, and sometimes no matter is happening in my head or world, it has to be 100% about trying to help them - right now this is like that - it not about me - this is about us. All of us ( with a wink) Even Gretchen and Penelope."
The Dr. just shook her head, smiled and asked if i was going to be ok? "
My answer was, is and always the this - i looked up at Liza -
"I have to be."