Après le first chemo I felt - well - like I had to pee like a race horse - sleep like I had never done so - eat because they said so and wait.

Wait to... See to feel - if it was going to be like all that info in the binder - like the heads up from the all the nurses - like the vets I had met who battled their mets ( not yours Michel Balan from last comic standing whom I love)

But it was just another day when I woke up.

Until the lunch bag and I had a not so hot lunch date. It has to be stuck in you xactly 24 hours after chemo.

Liza drove me to the clinic where I knew I would be seeing great nurses and also touching underfunded yuck.

We were early. I had a short sleeve shirt on for easy access to the puncture zone.

Enter the room. Unzip goes the bag. Dear heavens. Am I a horse? The needle was was huge.- it was like a PEZ dispenser. But so not sweet. Pre ow pre ow.

The care giver says - " Liza I can show you how to administer ... "

Liza is rarely pale - save for on a beach - in the sun by a pool - or when the Raiders lose - but her face was not of a crayon I have seen. She would not have even made Winter Wheat on a paint chip.

"Maybe not " said the care giver. With such a knowing grin.

"SO NOT" said the coward on the table in the short sleeve shirt.

And thus with a pinch of my bicept - this ugly long needle hiding in a easy grip rectangle was slowly inserted into my left arm. It felt like it took a week. But in that five minute week this I knew -

This was a potential life saving needle that not every one gets - as their benefits do not cover the 5 grand cost - yes really maybe more -

That this long and painful super hero shot - as I came to call it - one I might die without it - as it built up my white blood cells and kept my bones alive... Was a priveledge ...

A long and painful needle I accepted as my kryptonie disguised in a an ugly blue lunch bag in an ugly blue needle case -

Disguising nothing more than the ugly blue inequities in access to health and care....

Day two of chemo - and already I face the reality .. That not only is life not fair - but death is so not fair ....

Day one of chemo must be akin to day one of kindergarten. Chaos. Tears. Pee.

And a lunch box.

After my many hours of liquid intake and the absorption of little octagonal pills that made me feel like chewing lead paint off church railings - steroids - to give me strength - and likely back hair - thank goodness that will likely fall out - I was ready to be sent home on the - well - very nice Lincoln short bus.

But not before I got my little blue refrigerated bag tossed onto my lap by the charge nurse. With a giant nasty needle in it. Oh yea that. It has to be injected 24 hours after your infusion. Super fun. Off to the walk in clinic for that.

Ahh. Too cute. It has my name on it.

I was quickly unplugged uplifted loaded up with instructions which frankly had Liza not been there would have pinned to my chest and scene. Done.  

We wil call you with your next chair time in leas than two weeks.

Ok. Lol. Call me! Maybe! Cause I just met you and this Is crazy ----- wow I love steroids ! So high. So very fuzzy...

I wonder what this needle is going to be like.... And off I slept as Liza wrangled home and me up the stairs so I could rest.

And then begin to eat.

"If you do not eat you die."

" Define eat" I said.

"Micheal Phelps" she said.

Oh thank goodness i love pizza.

Mamma Mia's!!! I love you.