WHEW.

I was called in to see my ( but really our - it is a team and i choose team tallen ) oncologist right after the blood moment, arm still bent, sweater clutched at my chin, eyes glazed over., lingering merry round round we go music in my ears...

The super cool dog loving nurse looked at me and wheeled something out of the room.

" Umm i think we should wait wait to check your blood pressure. " 

We sat and sat. 

Finally i was semi human looking and whoosh enters DR. P. She had more papers in a file than Duffy had in his shredder. Blood pressure 498 0ver 6 million.

( Oh ya - the tests - did i pass - did i fail - am i dead woman walking - if i have brain cancer how will they know - i am so bloody weird - if my brain malfunctions i might actually be a functioning human for a day…) 

Nothing. No other evidence. 

Except for a few bone plates , spurs, arthritis, and a zillion other places my stupid metatastic disease could move into. 

"All we have to do is throw the best standard of care  - and the kitchen sink at you - and hope that when it shows up again it is in an operable place."

Again.
Means. 
Next. 

But not for me. Heck with that. Pass me that sink Doc - actually toss at me - but watch my teeth - i have had braces twice for a total of 12 years and seriously i can't deal with that again. yes. really.

​So the sink landed in my lap with the tap running. Dr. P explained what the next year or two of my  - our life - lives - no one does this alone  - might look like. I stopped listening at

"AHA!! NEXT YEAR!! OR TWO!!!"  I'll take that. 

No point in checking my blood pressure. You could see the relief on my face and no longer see the veins hanging out of my arms.

​Whew.