Ok So - I didn't lose her - as in I cannot find her - mind you I have always wondered where the bits of hacked up dismembered - disenfranchised people go... I knew where my lymph nodes were going - off to some nasty scientific experiments along with the triplets of evil - Peter, Paul and Mary - to be sliced diced labeled and curated - hopefully with a cure at hand - in some one's hand... was / is my fate... and that of too many ... zzzz
But wake - what I was really at a loss over was losing my nipple.,,, Yes Really. My nipple.
I did not always have Ethyl - but I have always had a nipple. I looked down at ( it) her? (me) once when I was swimming in pee soaked circles of a neighbours wading pool. I was maybe 5 sans shirt. Feeling free. And oddly masculine. You say mescaline - but I think that is a different drug... but I was lying there ( yes in the bed 'now' and in the pool then ) wondering am I (still) a girl? And really what does that mean... because it means and MEANS so much for so many... regardless of - or because of ... perhaps feelings of masculinity or felinity or what ever else the heck the powerful river 'stykks' of identity floods our being with ... um I am actually here? If this is here - there should be a concierge... zzz
But - wake - OW
I knew. It - I was / am different now . "It" - me - my embarrassing - eyes up Stan Creiper - chest hard on - oh my god what a hot rack you have - was gone. As was a huge part of how I learned to see myself - share myself - dress myself - well - so not now - ( oh I gotta pee Liza please come home) Who then am I now sans Ethyl? ...zzzz
And so I would sleep and wake - and be so lost... Wrong side of the bed. A HUGE bed - where are the dogs .. Gracie? How can I sleep without saying "Goodnight Gracie." Burns and I had the same birthday - all I wanted was to love that deeply - and say good night to a love that made my heart laugh even more deeply! ... Why can't I sit up? OR roll over - Why are you milking a tube in my chest!? Where is my nipple.....zzzzz where are my dogs... where is my ....
But wake - an oh so slow five day wake up ...
"Hello. I think I smell funny - but not like really funny... just un funny - AW.. gosh darn it - Liza HI - you look nice - umm - okay I will drink that - what time is it? Umm I I I really want to know where my poor nameless nipple is. Is it folded over itself oozing like a piece of giant pepperoni crawling out from under the steaming cheesiness of my pale skin? Is it in a bio hazard bin - oh dear god on the floor being flooded like so many hotdogs into a vat of vile.... vile.... Yes I am swallowing -
But Wake - as I faded ... I heard ..
"Oh Sweetie - when you wake up next - I will have a Momma Mia Special for you. Well done with extra peperoni. Don't worry about your nipple, that is Ethyl's baby - and for now you are mine. The dogs will be home in a few days. Go sleepies - before I smother you K love?"
"Goodnight Liza. I love you." zzzzzz
But Wake - (please insert love laughter and pepperoni in your life and in all the lives of those you love ) yes it can be veggi. sigh.