After the ultrasound - which was physically painless but emotionally challenging- as the machine gently dings every time they capture an image. My imagist was making her own 11 minute mega Kenny G style elevator remix of Ethyl. Which is why Liza's face was wadding up .
The music was nasty and she could see just how big ole scary Mary was. And with the biopsy next she new it was soon to be big ole scary Bloody Mary.
Enter the Dr. Really.?. A baggy golf shirt and shuffly feet? Hmmm. The doctor who does these is a woman. This is a dude. This is a resident. This has suck potential. Back up -check- activate sarcasm-check-activate leaving my own body and joining Liza in corner - check.
"Hello I am Dr. Blah blah and I will be doing your blah blah biopsy blah blah"
Zero bedside manner.
"What is you date of birth and do you have any allergies"
"Yes I look great for my age and I am allergic to bad outfits."
"Wel I don't know what you came in wearing - so I can't comment."
Ok. You will do. I got back into my body.
Dr. Dry explained the process. Cold. Numb. Burning sensation from the local freezing. . Then he would make an incision and insert the needle which would take about a cm of tissue. I would hear a noise as it snapped the samples. Likely 3.
"Ok. My pool is colder. I have been numb for days. And yes that burns. "
"Ok. Tell me if you feel something sharp."
Enter the scalpel. Into my flesh. Which I can feel. Liza is still in the corner. She looks like she is at the coroner already. Can living people really be that colour?
OMG, I say to myself. Tell me if you can feel my feet wrapping around your neck and strangling you.
But I cannot say anything. I am just squeezing the sheets and watching my stomach convulse. Like the time I had a manwhich and threw up in my friends hair.
Liza appears at my side and holds my arm down so I do not punch him in the teet.
"I can feel that" I whisper. " I think he is talking the biopsy from the back forty."
I can hear mumbling. Then I felt more burning. Them I heard the noise. Then I felt a long pulling feeling. Like my eye was going to be on the end of that needle.
Dr. Dry is well aware this is not going well. He is shaking too. The technician is holding his elbows to steady him. This is like doing surgery on top of dryer full of towels.
"One more. " He says meekly. All sense of in your face bravado long gone.
"Ok." I grip onto Liza. Her face is different now. Softer. And yet very very serious. I find out later that my face was essentially blue. With a few plaid bits. So gay.
I can feel something warm slowly moving down my side. It is not tears. It is Mary.
" Not enough Saran Wrap." I whisper to Liza.
Chunk number two comes out. Oh Mary is so angry and she is telling me all about it by spewing herself everywhere.
"Good job Kelly." Says the super nice woman who is holding my side and blotting up Mary by applying the kind of pressure you might use to roll out pie dough.
Dr. Dry asks me one more time what date of birth is. This time i just answer and he leaves - my insides in a can under his arm.
"Now be sure to take some Tylenol and ice yourself. There will be some swelling. The steri strips will come off in about a week. You can shower as normal tomorrow and swim if you like. If you have a fever or any bleeding go to emergeny."
Ok. Swelling. Bruising. Reasonable. Not having any of that other stuff.
I eased myself back into my giant sports bra. Thanked her profusely and wandered out.
I am so in shock I do not really feel or hear anything around me. I am ok I tell Liza.
"Good" she says with a manical smile.
" Because my sisters are coming over. All four of them. "