The nurse navigator - Big C harmony dot calm.
It really only takes on person to get invasive ductal carnoma but it takes about 500 people to make sense of it. If making sense of cancer is even possible. And if it is - the nurse navigators at the breast assessment program - BAP - are the gals to do it.
So we got a nice phone call and an invitation to meet with the team who would be trying to help us understand the options. And the choices. And the big words. And the little ones. And the images. So many pictures of my insides.
Which by the way look like upside down rabbit ears. I now have unhealthy fear of bunnies.
I also have a fear of holly hobby active wear, all pastel furniture, rugs with frilly edges and big white clumpy shoes.
The BAP office looks like a cottage fire sale from 1927 meets the Golden Girls. Clean as heck but that much pink on pink on rose on floral makes Crabtree and Evelyn look butch.
I will refrain from commenting on the wallpaper as I will need my therapy sessions for bigger matters. However at one point I think it ate a doily.
I may also need therapy as a result of filling out all the forms they give you. It was about 8 pages of questions all designed to get to know the patient in a very e- harmony kind of way.
I of course got overwhelmed - and Liza began micro managing me. Had she not we would still be there as I hummed and hawed over the placement of my 32nd freckle and whether or not I hallmony blah blah hyper thermal blah blah.
If you would like to get to know your partner - and find out just how little you know about yourself. Get cancer. Or get a copy of this questionaire.
So here is what I learned about myself. I am most afraid of being a burden to the ones I love and needles. Knitting and otherwise.
I am not scared of dying. I am not scared to die. I am scared that what is about to happen to me will break her the way watching my mother rot broke me.
I have never been pregnant. Breast feeding is open for debate. The kid was starved but tried anyway. Yes. Beyond creepy. So add babies to my Iist of fears. Near the top.
I also learned that Liza is a Kelly whisperer. But a loud one. She read. We laughed. I made up answers. She correcred them. I knew she was a rock but that day I learned she was a mountain.
However the most important thing we learned is that I - that we - are not alone. That it can be beaten. Our nurse navigator did it. It was war. But she won it with bright red wigs and oddly and thankfully enough red wine.
So cheers. Find your rock. Be someone's mountain. Sit in a big pink chair and ask yourself the toughest questions you can think of. Share the answers. Ask others the toughest questions you can thnk of.
But share only the love. Lotsa lotsa love.