I was once on a board where the chair said " In order to raise money we have to make youth homelessness sexy." I was epically perplexed. Eventually i understood the concept. Sexy was the new sympathy. This playful sympathy could get people to give what was needed. In this case money. In my case i had no idea what i needed…until i saw it right in front of me...
Cancer is so not sexy. And yet it is. In that Kissing Jessica Stein kinda way. People - well some people are super curious. Others just freak out disappear for a year then text you " Oh hey sorry I did not know what to say …" ( so you chose nothing? - Thanks. See you again never? i am available then. On the 32nd. Around 26:30)
Others try so so hard. They show up with left over food sit on your couch and stare at you with pain in horror in their own hearts. Most people with cancer have the same look. A kind of grey glow muted in a faint yellow tinge of cellular demise. That look scares people. And that is ok. YOU will i see in a year when i do not look like your mom, your sister, your aunt, your future….
Still others are as loyal as Ducks. They come as group, bring love, appetizers sans forchette and Veuve. This gaggle sends cards, letters, and so many flowers i ran out of vases. They call, send e-mails drop off books to inspire and do not make sad it.
But Kids give a sympathy and an empathy beyond anything i can- or could have ever imagined. They make paintings and jewelry, Invite me to their class to watch a play. And say things like " IF anyone can do it Kelly YOU can." When a kid believes in you - it is like they flood the strength of a thousand ancient amazon warriors into your veins and swell your heart with the rhymthic thump of possible.
So as i sat in my chair staring wide eyed at the table of cards, gifts, expressions of love and old school sympathy -loved the so sorry for your loss card - i realized that what i needed was to heal from this ta ta amputation and fight with everything i could find, beg borrow or steal. I need to survive because i am loved. I need to survive because the kids told me i could. In my career and life I have seen the power of believing in people. Believing in people in my super power.
Believing in myself , however, has always been my kyptonite.
But, the Wonder Woman Shoes, statue, cards, T-shirts, were and are a playful way for me to use the power of sympathy and imagine myself as a super woman with super cool powers of strength and magic, and thus not affected by stupid kyrptoite or stupid cancer. After all - Linda Carter is pretty damn sexy and Amazons had only one breast.
Thanks for the love everyone, you made me believe in me. and that is what i needed.