It is 3 am. I am. Still here...

I have't heard from you - are you ok? You have not updated your blog - hello? Are you still here?

Yes. Yes I am. And no not at all. I know I am behind - six months roughly in regaling my tales ... And yes I am ok and no I am not okay.

Everything is different everyday. And yet everyday feels the same as the last...

I want to write. I need to write. I want to share. I need to share. I ....

But like that package of chicken you buy - that starts off in the fridge - then moves to the freezer - that ends up under a pizza - stuck to a bag of fruit you swear you will make smoothies with - I am white with flakes of ice - swollen with my own rottenness and too frosty to touch.

So it sits. And so I sit.

Waiting - like so many of us - like this winter of so much discontent - I wait to thaw.

And I will.

In fact as I find the courage to be honest - -authentic that I am tired - and scared - and lonely - and numb - to the point of have little feeling in my finger tips..

I am noticing that I am here. And here is exactly where I need to be - With each and everyone - of you. Because I love you.

Take a deep breath Kelly - it's ok not to be ok.

Exhale. Peel yourself off the bag of peas. It will be all write.

Now where was I .....