I Thought my shoes would give it away

I got called into the inner chamber of boob doom next. It was dimly lit and housed what  I can vaguely describe as a  humongous 1954 white and glass wringer washer, two chairs and a crooked bulletin board.

My host asked me to sit and began to ask me questions from her clipboard. Her tone had all the enthusiasm of a 98 year old bingo caller and she did not make eye contact. Once we got thru all the data of my being she asked the question - the dreaded question.

"Is there any chance you could be pregnant?" Nervous laughter. From me.

"Uhhhh nope - not a chance"  She made direct eye contact. " Are you sure?"

I am now crimson. And giggling.

 "OH ya I am so sure." ( inner voice of horror -  I am going to have to explain why - I am gonna have to tell her.. this is so awkward...)

"Mnnn.  Did your husband have a vauscitonjkjkjskjfk......? " (what is that? a vasc??? husband?? oh god. it's now or never - )

"It's a girl!!" I was shouting.

She is now standing and staring at me.  "I thought you said you were not pregnant!?"

I have gone from crimson to flaming red and am now flailing my arms and stuttering loudly.

"No No I am not - My husband is a girl. He's a girl"  This went over the cliff like Thelma and Louise.

"oh OH OHH - So you are a lesbian. " said my host who was joining me in turning a variety of colours. I panicked. My brain left the room. My mouth took over.

"Lesbian? Well yes - but no - Gay - oh god - Lesbian always sounds like something you stepped in - 'oh no I have lesbian on my shoe!!' I then mimed scraping the lesbian off the bottom of my shoe.

I have never seen anyone's face fall off quite the way hers did. She looked happy and dead at the same time. I could not get my stick on the ice. I was so embarrassed. We both were. But she had a glint in her eye as she gave me a warm consoling smile and put down the clipboard.

"I am so sorry" I said, " I thought the shoes would give it away."  I looked down at the floor.

" Its ok" She said, "I don't really pay that much attention to that area -  I kinda focus my attention on the waist up."

"Me too" I grinned back.

Then we both laughed our guts out and spent the next 20 minutes making pancakes, panini's and smores out of my breasts.