Ethyl's Last Mourning...

My internal alarm went off long before any set alarm. Myrtle as you know could not sleep either as she woke up my thumbs to write her last words to her beloved sister. So when dawn arrived - Delta Dawn - Dawn of the Dead - Shawn of the Dead the Grateful Dead - all alive and well in my starving dehydrated ADHD brain. No food and only clear liquids after midnight - I was good to go and just get this day over with. After all I was allegedly first in day surgery - yes - apparently they plan and can lop off a major body part and send you home the same day -  hurry Liza. Hurry. Hurry up and wait.

We arrived at God thirty and got checked in. The gals - and I mean gals as I have yet to meet a fellow on a hospital desk - much like education front lines - are incredibly nice. But they ask you the same 20 questions each time. If it is taxing for us imagine the sheer Ghost Buster's pain for them. 

My vitals were checked and I - we ( Liza never leaves me) were lead to a change 'room' where I was handed two full length white leg stockings, another one size fits no one or everyone gown and a clear plastic snap together at the top  bag labeled PATIENT BELONGINGS. Was Ethyl going in that? EW. Nor were my clothes. Gretchen darling - valet service!

Gowns I have mastered. Stockings not so much. My first experience was for a cousins birthday party circa 1970 in which I was stuffed head first into a velvet dress and hog tied in pair of white - complete with gitch - 'hose' as it was called then. I was out of that and into the sandbox in record time. My second personal stocking experience was in a play I did for Domino Theatre - Harvey - in which I played Myrtle. Yes Really. Since I was in character it was ok. She was wearing them not me. So my third run at stockings required assistance. I had no idea why I had to wear them or how to get them on. My first attempt sent me face first into the wall of the booth - and my second resulted in me falling out through the curtain into the nurse. I was given a longer pair and it was explained to me that wearing them would help to prevent blood clots and thus death during surgery. I sported them gleefully along with my wonder woman low cut sneakers. I assured the nurse these to would prevent death during surgery. With that I was offered VIP waiting service in a room full of beds - rather than the room full of chairs. Thank goodness for that. We waited 6 hours. 6 hours of nervous pees. 5 games of trivial pursuit. 4 rounds of solitaire 3 hip recovery surgeries,  a nap and one code 99 - and not as in agent 99 but as in' uh oh potential dead person'.  Then I was visited by the surgeon and literally signed off on. He autographed his initials over Ethyl. Terrance Trent Darby eat your heart out.

"Ready?" Yes sir." I said. And with that he gave me warm smile, shook Liza's hand  and said with a wink. " You can escort Kelly  - and -  Ethyl into Pre-Op. It will just be a minute."





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Stocking up for surgery